Catching my breath
A reflection on bringing myself back from the brink of breakdown
IN ALL HONESTY | AT A GLANCE
This week’s column is for paid subscribers, and it holds:
a featured story on resourcing during a moment of intense activation
a somatic invitation to explore discharging negative energy
a writing prompt to reflect on what helps you catch your breath
a few favorites I’ve been loving lately
a space to deepen the conversation in community comments
Oh, and be sure to check out the last column:
This is her story, not mine
I’ve been deep in the birth world as of late. A witness, a guide, a teacher, a Doula. There is so much emotion intertwined with bringing new life into the world, and I’m quickly realizing how easy it is to carry concerns that do not actually belong to me...
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I didn’t realize that I had nearly reached my emotional capacity until I was right on the cusp of exploding.
My breathing was clipped and rapid.
My tone was focused and fiery.
My hands were ready to grab and smack.
I stepped outside on the back porch to catch my breath, to find that steady cadence of inhalation and exhalation.
But it kept eluding my grasp.
A low growl slipped from between my bared teeth, and I let the great outdoors hold onto the anger-tinged charge that I knew better to direct full force at my eldest son.
He’s been struggling, my almost-7 year old. Pushing buttons and flexing his autonomy. Ignoring instructions and dodging accountability.
This week has been particularly trying, and it has felt like parenting challenges have been hurling towards us from all angles.
I didn’t realize how much I was holding until I got the very clear signal from my body that I couldn’t hold any more. At least not for the next hour or so.
My husband returned from his daily work sojourn to the coffee shop, and within minutes, I knew.
“I need to have some solo time,” I told him.
“I have a little more work to do, and I wasn’t planning on having to watch both boys.”
“I know.”
But time away no longer felt optional at this point. I needed to find a way to reset beyond the emotional upheavals lurking in our home.
As soon as the possibility of flight began to look unlikely, I took on the crazed sensation of a caged bird…
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