This is her story, not mine
How my work as a Doula is an exercise in letting go of what doesn't belong to me
IN ALL HONESTY | AT A GLANCE
This week’s column is for paid subscribers, and it holds:
a featured story on the consequences of boundless empathy
a somatic invitation to explore how you release anxiety
a writing prompt to reflect on when you last carried someone else’s story
a few favorites I’ve been loving lately
a space to deepen the conversation in community comments
Oh, and be sure to check out the last column:
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I’ve been deep in the birth world as of late. A witness, a guide, a teacher, a Doula. There is so much emotion intertwined with bringing new life into the world, and I’m quickly realizing how easy it is to carry concerns that do not actually belong to me.
Many of my clients are also preparing for birth in the midst of challenging life circumstances: impending homelessness, incarcerated partners and single parenthood just to name a few. And last week, I let it all in a little too much.
Anxiety fluttered through my stomach and shook through my lungs. I was on edge, tearful, unsettled while I considered what resources I could connect my clients with. Then, I couldn’t shake the feeling that nothing I shared could really be helpful anyways.
By Friday, I showed up to my bi-monthly counseling session emotionally exhausted. Spending an hour unfolding my worries with my counselor helped me realize that most of them were not even mine to begin with. She knows my highly-sensitive ways, and she reminded me of the importance of energetic boundaries. I must learn to be empathetic without losing myself to the highs and lows of someone else’s narrative, especially if I want this vocation to be sustainable long term (and I do.)
I’m not exactly sure how to go about it yet, how to live my story alongside my client’s instead of allowing them to converge. But I’m playing with different practices as I figure out what fits for me. I’m hopeful.
Ground yourself in times of anxiety
Here’s my running list of simple ways to release pent up anxiety:
Prayer
Hot baths
Journaling
Calling a friend
Sitting in nature
Listening to an ASMR video
Going for a walk
Short cardio exercise
Strength training…
Got more ideas? Help me build a more robust list of ideas for all who read In All Honesty by leaving your favorite grounding practices in the comments.
When’s the last time you noticed you were taking on the emotions someone else’s story?
Recall what sensations you felt in your body as a result of your own bout of boundless empathy. How did you move through the realization that you were carrying more than was meant for you?
If you feel so called, please leave your response in the comments.
♥️ this debate on the state of masculinity
♥️ this novel set in 1950’s D.C and Philly that tells how two mothers intersect
♥️ this recent video by my favorite ASMRtist
Rest well this weekend.
In All Honesty,
Maris
P.S. If you liked this week’s column, will you email it to two friends?