Feeling brand new
How I'm learning to shift the way I respond to novelty
IN ALL HONESTY | AT A GLANCE
This week’s column is for both free + paid subscribers, and it holds:
a featured story on how I experience novelty in my body
a somatic invitation to explore a new way to let Anger move through you
a writing prompt to reflect on your relationship with novelty
a few favorites I’ve been loving lately
a space to deepen the conversation in community comments
Oh, and be sure to check out the last column:
Stretching to reach my ambitions
My days are fuller now, tending to all of the opportunities landing in my lap. And it’s clear that my capacity to hold more is expanding, increasing, stretching...
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This has been a week filled with novelty, and, in all honesty, I’m still riding the waves.
I used to be left crestfallen by the excitement and anxiety that punctuated a newfound experience. Nausea would wash over me, and my unsettled stomach would threaten to derail my plans. In fact, I distinctly remember being absent during my own birthday party for a handful of my childhood years because the sensation of novelty just felt too big in my body. So, my classmates would all be enjoying the festivities while I was in bed wishing I would feel better.
I didn’t know how to move through that frenetic energy that would present itself in the face of something new. So, I’d cling to routine like some kind of life preserver, desperate to stay buoyed in a sea full of changes. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I avoided the new, but it’s true that I would rarely seek it out.
But this week I’ve witnessed myself in many new situations:
navigating my eldest son’s explosive meltdown while coaching both of us towards co-regulation (when historically, I’ve moved to try to extinguish the unpleasant behaviors as quickly as possible)
buying eggs from a neighbor (I’ve been daydreaming about having a more personal connection with where I buy my food for years now)
attending two Home Visits and meeting two Doula clients in-person (I’ve been nervous about how to potentially connect them to essential resources without coming across as judgmental)
changing my counseling sessions from Thursday evenings to Friday afternoons (now I can comfortably attend my virtual sessions while the baby naps and my eldest is at school instead of trying to fit it in while trying to coordinate childcare for both boys and then immediately rushing to make dinner afterwards)
buying grass-fed and finished organic meat from a local rancher (did I mention I’ve been daydreaming about having a more personal connection to my food sources?)
entertaining conversations about potential business opportunities (while also moving towards what feels in alignment)
learning a new technique to apply texture to the set of ceramic soup bowls I’m making (I’ve had four opportunities to experiment with how dry I want the clay to be, how to place my hand and what amount of pressure to use)
committing to let my baby sleep in his crib all night instead of bringing him to my bed once he wakes up to nurse (he’s slept through the night in his crib all week!)
And here’s what’s interesting: many times this week, I’ve felt that familiar nauseous sensation come over me as I approached a new experience. I just didn’t let it pull me under.
Instead, I stayed with my feelings as they emerged. Uncertainty, Hesitation, Bashfulness, Fear were all still there. But this time, I greeted them by name. This week, when I noticed I was feeling brand new, I placed my hand over my heart, took some deep breaths and spoke my purpose for pursuing novelty out loud. And then I kept right on putting one step in front of the next.
Next week, I’m attending my first birth as a Doula. I am honored to have been chosen to attend this sacred event, and still, the gravity of this upcoming new experience has been swirling all around me.
“I’ve never done anything like this,” I keep hearing myself say. And I remember back when that phrase used to feel like a flashing sign to turn right back around. Now, though, I take it as a sign to move forward with compassion and intention.
Life has got me feeling brand new these days, and I’m not gonna lie: I kinda like it.
The next time you feel Anger, push the wall away.*
Start by noticing your sensations. Is your jaw tight? Shoulders tense? Breathing short? Take note.
Allow Anger to move through your arms by pushing on a nearby wall as hard as you can.
Vocalize, if it feels right. Yell. Growl. Snarl.
Keep pushing until your arms tire, or your Anger does.
Breathe.
*Inspired by the way I helped my eldest son down-regulate during an intensely stressful moment earlier this week.
What is your relationship to novel experiences? Do you lean towards them or away?
Recall a recent example where you were presented with an opportunity to try something new. Reflect on the sensations that emerged as you pondered your next steps. Share your musings in the comments if you feel called.
♥️ This jazzy R&B song by Jon Batiste
♥️ This new live-action version of Avatar: The Last Airbender
♥️ This interview with Kelly Rowland about her new movie Mea Culpa
Rest well this weekend.
In All Honesty,
Maris
P.S. If you liked this week’s column, will you email it to two friends?